Thursday, June 16, 2011

Separation Anxiety getting worse...

Feel free to skip over my SA posts, but this is more for a journal for myself as to how Kaitlyn handled this stage in her life if I ever have to deal with it again! So anyway, the SA is getting even worse. Last night I had to go to an activity at church. From now on I am never going to leave without telling Kaitlyn goodbye b/c I read that it only makes it worse and they lose trust in you. So I gave Kaitlyn a hug goodbye and told her I would be back soon and left. I stood outside the door for a few minutes listening to her scream. I called Justin on my way home and he said she cried the entire time I was gone until she went to bed. She used to be FINE with Justin and LOVES her daddy. But for some reason she is traumatized right now anytime I am away, no matter who is with her. To make matters worse, now she can't even really be near my mom b/c she thinks she is being left with her. I met up with my mom again today and we had lunch and then went to Costco. I told her we were going to see Nana and so as we were getting out of the car she asked "E Nana at?" (Where's Nana at?) and I said right there and pointed to her car. She immediately freaked out b/c she thought she was getting in the car to leave. Then later on while in the store my mom couldn't even come too near the cart or Kaitlyn thought she was being left with her. She started freaking out trying to get me to hold her so that I wouldn't leave. It is getting very exhausting and I am just hoping this phase doesn't last too long. I don't think we are going to try leaving her again in nursery anytime soon if that was in fact what has brought on this sudden traumatic anxiety in our everday life! We have always been supporters of the cry it out method, but it doesn't work so well if noone wants to watch your kid b/c the literally cry for hours on end with no intermission!

In the mean time I am just trying to expose her to different environments and more people (while I am right there of course.) We have went to two different toddler storytimes at the library this week and I think those will be good for her. I am just trying to get her used to being around other kids as well b/c currently she doesn't really know how to play with them.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

At a Loss...

Have any of your children experienced separation anxiety? Kaitlyn is going through a terrible phase of it right now. I am at a loss for what to do for her. I think it all started when we tried leaving her during nursery. She FREAKS out. Like clings to my body and won't let go. If we do manage to escape out the door, she is brought to us literally within minutes hysterical on the verge of throwing up she is so upset. I understand that our nursery workers have way too many kids to only try and console her, but I just don't know how to help her. It is not one of those situations where the kid cries for a few minutes, but then is fine. SHE WON'T STOP until either Justin or I comes to get her. She is literally inconsolable. The bad thing is nursery has scarred her from other people that she used to be fine with us leaving her with. Before we started trying to leave her in nursery over the past month and a half, she used to wave byebye to me and LOVE spending time with my mom. Now she clings to me and throws a fit ANY time she has to leave me. The crying doesn't stop either once I am gone. She cried with my mom for over an hour straight, periodically asking "Where she at?" Last night we left her with a lady from church who likes to babysit Kaitlyn once a month while we attend the temple. I warned her that she is in a phase right now and it would most likely not be good. Well we recieved word that after we left she cried nonstop for 45 minutes until she wore herself out and just watched tv while refusing any food, snacks or even ice cream! Basically we were told that she would just sit there refusing any interaction.

What do I do?!? We considered joining a gym membership just so I would be able to practice leaving her in daycare settings. But that is so expensive just to practice daycare! I currently have no desire to work out, nor do we wish to spend that kind of money just for something like that, but her situation is getting worse. And I am sure a gym daycare would not put up with a child like this either so that would probably be a complete waste of money anyway. Today I met my mom for lunch and all my mom said after our meal was "ok time to go, Let Nana wipe your hands." and Kaitlyn FREAKED out b/c she thought I was leaving her. I wouldn't mind as much if she was able to be consoled after I left but she is not. She literally cries nonstop. PLEASE HELP!!! I don't know what to do :(

Friday, June 10, 2011

Last Day of Work!

I am now officially a stay at home mom. I don't think it has hit me yet, since I still had to go into the office today, but it was weird saying my goodbyes...or just waves to people I never really talked to anyway :) I thought I would be sad, but I'm not! I was ready to get out of there. These last 5 or 6 weeks have been so stressful having to go into the office 3 days a week for training. I am definitely ready to be finished with that. We will of course miss the extra paycheck, but I will just have to become even cheaper than I already am! hehe.

It's so weird to think back at how much I have changed over the last 10 years. This year marks my 10 year graduation from high school and I just realized that I have changed SO much. Judge me if you will, but I actually used to plan out my 'outfits' for weeks in advance so I didn't wear the same thing too often, and LOVED shopping. I wanted all designer labels, etc. Now, I can't even remember the last time I went shopping that wasn't at a yard sale, craigslist, or a major clearance rack! haha. I guess priorities just change as you get older. Although I would say ours was once we had Kaitlyn. When Justin and I first got married we still spent $ like crazy. If we would have started out with our Dave Ramsey program in the beginning, we would probably have a nice little savings right now. But oh well. Live and learn. I am excited to focus more on time with Kaitlyn and other aspects of my life and the money situation will work itself out!

Oh and P.S. In response to my last post, Thanks for the sweet comments. I actually heard back from the doctor and my condition is called Marginal Cord insertion. Which is the better of the two that I was worried about so that is good! I am much less freaked out now!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

It's a Boy!

So today Justin and I went in for our 20 week ultrasound and we found out we are having a little boy! I have made it no secret that I wanted another little girl so that they would be 'friends' but I guess Kaitlyn will just have to be friends with her brother! My initial reaction was not really disappointment I should say, b/c of course I am happy to have a precious little boy, but I was actually nervous! A boy is a whole different ball game than what I have grown accustomed to with Kaitlyn! A million thoughts just started rushing through my head. After our ultrasound the tech had us go wait in the sitting area, while she got our doctor and sorted through the pictures. Justin and I chatted happily and I was sent to my room for my consultation visit.

Then it got bad. The doctor came into the room and asked me to come with her. She took me back in for another ultrasound b/c she wanted to "check a few things." Justin stayed behind with Kaitlyn. The second ultrasound was horrible. The doctor and US tech just kept moving all over my stomach looking at different areas of my baby with worried looks on their faces. They never said a word to me the whole time except to each other like, is that it? Finally I was like "is something wrong?" I was then told that my baby's cord has inserted at the top of the placenta, which is not good. It is usually inserted at the middle of the placenta so that the baby receives the proper nutrition, oxygen, bloodflow, etc. that it needs. While mine being at the top is not absolutely cause for something to go wrong, it just means that I will have to receive routine ultrasounds to keep checking the progress of the baby to make sure it is growing and I was told it often results in premature labor. They said the main problems result in birth defects from the baby not receiving the proper nutrition, etc. that it needs from the cord being at the top. The doctor didn't really tell me much else, but just said to come back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound and they would just have to keep a close eye on me. I was too shocked to even know what questions to ask at that time. So I left and we drove home.

I felt like our happy chatter about having a boy was ruined. I came home and started googling my condition and freaked myself out. Apparently there are two different cases for what I have and one is MUCH more serious than the other. But I was never told what kind I have or maybe b/c they don't even know yet? But I spent the rest of my day crying over what I read on the internet and worrying that I had the horrible condition. Justin told me to stop reading about it and we tried calling our doctor to see if they had more information but we haven't heard back from them yet.

So yes, even though I was completely freaked out and not expecting this news, I finally got off the internet and had a prayer. Justin and my brother also gave me a blessing and I feel better as I am now typing this post tonight. I am sure I will still be nervous up until each ultrasound visit where I get my reassurances, but for now I am going to try and stay strong and just start preparing my life for a new baby boy!