I am pretty sure I have reached my breaking point. I am so stressed out that just the slightest little thing starts making me cry now. But let me just say that the main root of this stress is coming from my job. I HATE it! I don't even think that describes it. It makes me break down and cry at least once a week...usually more. I have already snapped at them several times through email since I don't see them in person very often. I guess to break it down, my job really wouldn't be that bad, it is just pretty much impossible to sanely keep up with and do while also trying to give Kaitlyn all of the attention she needs and deserves. What makes it even worse is that when I first started my job I was in a department of 5 people plus my immediate boss. Every single one of those people except me has now been laid off. I now have absolutely no one to help out with my work load and no one to go to for support. I am now a department of one. Back in July they also cut me down to only 20 hours a week. Which is fine b/c I could never give more than that with Kaitlyn, but thing is they still expect me to complete a 40 hour workload and pretty much be available at their becking call. It has now gotten to the point where I just feel like I am always at my breaking point. One little email can come through with something else for me to do and I just lose it. It probably would not be as bad either if Kaitlyn was an easier baby. But she is soooo fussy. For anyone that is around us enough then you are aware. Basically if she is awake she has to be held. I can't even let her cry it out b/c she starts throwing up everywhere she gets so mad. She is not a good napper either. So it stresses me out even more when I am trying to have a conference call and I have to put Kaitlyn in her room screaming while I try and go over stupid plans with work. It makes me feel like such a horrible mother, but there is just not much else I can do at the moment. I am just looking forward to the days where Kaitlyn can at least play with toys and entertain herself for at least a little while! She will sit in an exersaucer or play with her jungle gym, but never for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. Then I am back at square one having to hold her...and that is always standing up. She won't even let Justin and I sit down or she will scream so hard until she makes herself throw up. So if you have any suggestions for what to do I am open. I either give in to her demands to stand up with her all the time...or let her scream and clean up throw up all the time. I don't know which is better. It has gotten to the point now that any time we go on a car ride she throws up b/c I can't quickly pick her up when I know she is about to that point. Let me just say though that I don't think there is anything physically wrong with her. To me it more seems spoiled. I don't mean that in a bad way...just that she will almost immediately quit crying the second I stand up with her. If I sit down on the couch with her the crying starts back up. So please I am open to your suggestions.
Now that I have complained this whole time Kaitlyn actually is napping, don't feel too bad for me. haha! It is our goal for me to be able to quit this year. We just currently cannot afford for me to quit. We are starting the Dave Ramesey Money Makeover next week and are really going to try and do it. We hope that at least by the middle of this year we will have enough debt paid off that I can quit and just be a mom. I can't wait for that day!