So I don't think anyone actually reads my blog which is why I am posting this on here, but so far January has been REALLY rough for our house. Justin's dad was in the hospital for about a week and that was stressful on his whole family. He made one trip down alone and then we both went down again a few days later. Luckily he is finally out of the ICU and back home recovering. And then the back in December I discovered that I was pregnant! It comes with mixed emotions to be perfectly honest. We were actually trying to conceive the couple months before the month that I actually did get pregnant with no luck. After that, I actually kind of had a mini breakdown about many things in my life and realized that I didn't think I was actually ready for another baby anyway b/c I was stressed out enough as it was with my 3 little ones! I figured, maybe down the road if we decide we still wanted one more we could think about it then, but for that time we stopped trying. So long story short we were extremely careful every single time. Except once. Of course that is the day my body decides to make a baby! I am still somewhat in disbelief that I am pregnant. This has also been a VERY rough pregnancy on me. I have been sick constantly which never happened to this extent with my others. I feel weak and nauseous all the time. I go to bed early and basically do nothing all day long. My house is a WRECK! I just cant' build up the energy to try and clean it and we have been eating out so much b/c I only manage to cook about 2-3 days a week. I have gotten a little better emotionally however. I am currently about 8 weeks along. The first couple weeks after finding out I was pregnant I was an emotional wreck but not too nauseous at that point. Not b/c I was upset I was pregnant, just pregnancy hormones I guess. I would cry all the time. Freak out over the smallest things. I have gotten a bit better as far as that goes :) Then once I hit about 6 weeks, the emotional stuff subsided and the overwhelming nausea and weakness kicked in. I feel I have aged like 20 years or something. I feel old and weak. I am just looking forward to getting past this first trimester!
Since I don't think too many people actually read my blog, if you do happen to read it, please still keep it on the DL. I am not making it public yet. I still haven't even been to the doctor! Knowing my cheapness I figure what is the point in going early? It's not like they can actually do anything for you. And even if your body was to miscarry it is not like going to a dr. visit is going to be able to prevent that. So I am waiting until I am about 10.5 weeks. That way I don't have any unnecessary visits and get to hit the 14 week and then 18 week mark for my ultrasound. Currently I have only taken one 2 year old expired pregnancy test strip that still worked! All I had was that and a 3 year old First Response that didn't work at all. But my strip confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. And also taking into account the fact that I still haven't had a period and have been feeling so sick lately I'm pretty sure it is safe to say I am preggo!
This pregnancy is so different for me this time. I don't really know why, but I am almost embarrassed to announce it. Not to my church friends of course b/c 4 kids is no big deal among my church family, but to the rest of the world I feel like I should be ashamed. I hate that our society has came to that point where a large family is considered crazy. I am not saying I feel this way, but that is how I feel most everyone else will react. People already make comments, give me those glaring eyes when I am out trying to shop, etc. with my 3 kids together. People ask me all the time if they are all mine and if one of my kids happens to be acting out while we are in public people just act like they know everything and you should be controlling your kids. So anyway, I am dreading once everyone at Kaitlyn's preschool, or speech lessons, etc. discover that I am pregnant! I'm pretty sure even my own family thinks I'm crazy :) My mom is the only member on her side so large families are not normal! But I know I will get through this! Heavenly Father obviously thought that yes indeed I WAS ready for another baby and I am getting one! I just pray that everything else will go smoothly and I will be able to handle 4 children so close in age! My biggest freak out is that this baby will most likely be born the same week that Kaitlyn is going to be starting kindergarten. I don't know how I am going to handle that, but I will just have to pray for strength I guess! I know in the end, this baby will complete our family and I will not even be able to imagine our life without him/her so I am striving to look on the bright side now!